Showing posts with label France. Show all posts
Showing posts with label France. Show all posts
24 June 2011
25 April 2011
18 August 2010
Smile: High School French meets Francois Ozon
A SUBTEXTUAL READING
OF YOUR HIGH-SCHOOL
FRENCH TEXTBOOK.
BY SARAH SMALLWOOD
via McSweeny's
- - - -
CHAPTER 1
Introductions
Je suis Monsieur Troucher. Je suis le père de la famille.
I am Mr. Troucher. I am the father. I am quite manly.
Je suis Jean-Paul. Je suis le fils de la famille.
I am Jean-Paul. I am also a man, therefore I come before my sister.
Je suis Marie. Je suis la soeur de Jean-Paul.
I am Jean-Paul's sister, Marie. I am being groomed to marry well.
Je suis Madame Troucher. Je suis la mère de Jean-Paul.
I am the wife. I have no first name. I am disappointed that I have a daughter instead of two sons.
Je suis Tutu. Je suis le chien de la famille Troucher.
I am Tutu the dog. I am a male dog for no foreseeable reason. Apparently, I can talk.
CHAPTER 2
Where Do You Live?
M. Troucher: Nous habitons à la capitale.
Like all French people, we live in Paris.
Mme. Troucher: Je l'aime Paris! La ville d'amour!
I obviously wear my heart on my age-inappropriate cap sleeve.
Marie: Le ville de la culture et les chefs de cuisine!
Mom, does Dad ever hurt you? Smile if the answer's yes.
Jean-Paul: Je l'aime le Tour Eiffel! C'est magnifique!
Why can we see the Eiffel Tower from, like, every window?
Tutu: J'aime les touristes'je mange leur croissants!
I'm a poodle? I don't feel like a poodle. I bet I'm really a German Shepherd.
CHAPTER 3
At the Supermarket
M. Troucher: Je vais faire des courses maintenant.
I alone will buy the groceries. Stay here in the small car with the windows up.
Marie: J'espère qu'il achète des chocolates.
He's gone. We could run away.
Mme. Troucher: Je voudrais des fleurs pour le jardin.
He would find us, Marie. He always does.
Jean-Paul: J'espère qu'il m'achète un nouveau ballon de football!
Hey! The only things in this bag are wine and a baguette! I'm hungry!
Tutu: Je voudrais du rosbif, s'il vous plaît.
Why the hell did you need to bring me shopping?
CHAPTER 4
Going Out
M. Troucher: Ce restaurant, c'est tres couteux!
I don't like spending money. Is it still legal for me to hit you?
Mme. Troucher: Oui, c'est tres couteux!
I share your opinion so completely, I do not even need to reword it. Also, I wonder what an orgasm feels like.
Jean-Paul: Marie, voulez-vous du brioche et fromage?
Mom and Dad are lame. Wanna smoke a bowl in the bathroom?
Marie: Mais oui!
Fuck yes.
Tutu: N'oubliez-pas le rosbif pour le chien!
Guess I'll just stay tied to this pole while you eat, then.
CHAPTER 5
What's Happening Tomorrow?
M. Troucher: Je pense faire laver ma voiture demain.
I plan to wash the car. Apparently, I'll need all three of these verbs.
Jean-Paul: Je vais aux grands magasins avec mon ami François.
François and I are going to sell handbags out of the back of the neighbor's van for cash, which we'll spend on X. Afterward, while stoned, we'll hold each other and cry, which will lead to some awkward, life-changing sexual experimentation.
Marie: Je prépare une tarte des pommes.
Mom, I got pregnant just so you would look at me. Mom?
Mme. Troucher: Je vais au cinema.
Do you need a ride, Jean-Paul?
Tutu: Je pense faire une petite sieste.
If I'm not in the next chapter, it's because I died of starvation.
OF YOUR HIGH-SCHOOL
FRENCH TEXTBOOK.
BY SARAH SMALLWOOD
via McSweeny's
- - - -
CHAPTER 1
Introductions
Je suis Monsieur Troucher. Je suis le père de la famille.
I am Mr. Troucher. I am the father. I am quite manly.
Je suis Jean-Paul. Je suis le fils de la famille.
I am Jean-Paul. I am also a man, therefore I come before my sister.
Je suis Marie. Je suis la soeur de Jean-Paul.
I am Jean-Paul's sister, Marie. I am being groomed to marry well.
Je suis Madame Troucher. Je suis la mère de Jean-Paul.
I am the wife. I have no first name. I am disappointed that I have a daughter instead of two sons.
Je suis Tutu. Je suis le chien de la famille Troucher.
I am Tutu the dog. I am a male dog for no foreseeable reason. Apparently, I can talk.
CHAPTER 2
Where Do You Live?
M. Troucher: Nous habitons à la capitale.
Like all French people, we live in Paris.
Mme. Troucher: Je l'aime Paris! La ville d'amour!
I obviously wear my heart on my age-inappropriate cap sleeve.
Marie: Le ville de la culture et les chefs de cuisine!
Mom, does Dad ever hurt you? Smile if the answer's yes.
Jean-Paul: Je l'aime le Tour Eiffel! C'est magnifique!
Why can we see the Eiffel Tower from, like, every window?
Tutu: J'aime les touristes'je mange leur croissants!
I'm a poodle? I don't feel like a poodle. I bet I'm really a German Shepherd.
CHAPTER 3
At the Supermarket
M. Troucher: Je vais faire des courses maintenant.
I alone will buy the groceries. Stay here in the small car with the windows up.
Marie: J'espère qu'il achète des chocolates.
He's gone. We could run away.
Mme. Troucher: Je voudrais des fleurs pour le jardin.
He would find us, Marie. He always does.
Jean-Paul: J'espère qu'il m'achète un nouveau ballon de football!
Hey! The only things in this bag are wine and a baguette! I'm hungry!
Tutu: Je voudrais du rosbif, s'il vous plaît.
Why the hell did you need to bring me shopping?
CHAPTER 4
Going Out
M. Troucher: Ce restaurant, c'est tres couteux!
I don't like spending money. Is it still legal for me to hit you?
Mme. Troucher: Oui, c'est tres couteux!
I share your opinion so completely, I do not even need to reword it. Also, I wonder what an orgasm feels like.
Jean-Paul: Marie, voulez-vous du brioche et fromage?
Mom and Dad are lame. Wanna smoke a bowl in the bathroom?
Marie: Mais oui!
Fuck yes.
Tutu: N'oubliez-pas le rosbif pour le chien!
Guess I'll just stay tied to this pole while you eat, then.
CHAPTER 5
What's Happening Tomorrow?
M. Troucher: Je pense faire laver ma voiture demain.
I plan to wash the car. Apparently, I'll need all three of these verbs.
Jean-Paul: Je vais aux grands magasins avec mon ami François.
François and I are going to sell handbags out of the back of the neighbor's van for cash, which we'll spend on X. Afterward, while stoned, we'll hold each other and cry, which will lead to some awkward, life-changing sexual experimentation.
Marie: Je prépare une tarte des pommes.
Mom, I got pregnant just so you would look at me. Mom?
Mme. Troucher: Je vais au cinema.
Do you need a ride, Jean-Paul?
Tutu: Je pense faire une petite sieste.
If I'm not in the next chapter, it's because I died of starvation.
23 July 2010
Films (Double Feature)
Nuit Blanche, Arev Manoukian (2010)
Thanks to Miss B. Wyndorff
&
Bronson, Nicholas Winding Refn (2009)
Terrifyingly Alluring.
And Tom Hardy, I do say.
Thanks to Miss B. Wyndorff
&
Bronson, Nicholas Winding Refn (2009)
Terrifyingly Alluring.
And Tom Hardy, I do say.
21 June 2010
Films: Coco Chanel et Igor Stravinsky, Jan Kounen (2009)
Seriously one of the most gorgeous cinematography I have ever seen.
Worth seeing for so many reasons, including the opening sequence which
reenacts Stravinsky’s 1913 “Rite of Spring”at the Théâtre des Champs-Élysées
in Paris including the riot which erupted as a result.
29 May 2009
Featured Artist: Christian LaCroix
A hero fallen on hard times. A maximalist kinda guy who always melted my streamlined soul
and inspired me so completely with colour and shape and texture. If the house does fall it
will live on in manic infamy. The last house of the old regime of Couture, fallen to economic downturn.
Bon Chance M'sieur LaCroix
23 March 2009
16 February 2009
18 October 2008
09 September 2008
13 August 2008
Films: Broken English, Zoe Cassavetes (2007)
Recommended by BWP. Thanks BWP for renewing my romantic belief that love just kinda finds you.
I was this close to being ok with the hard cold truth that it doesn't work that way without serious editing and multiple camera angles.
I was this close to being ok with the hard cold truth that it doesn't work that way without serious editing and multiple camera angles.
05 August 2008
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