28 April 2009
"I don't recognize myself.....this is very interesting. I'm asleep."
Where to begin. In the past month I had yet another awakening. I could never have seen it coming, and it came fast.
Kind of like being in a car crash without being in a car. Instant, violent and not without physical and psychological
effects. With out going into particulars I will say that it involved a series of unfortunate events, harsh words and bad
decisions. Coming out on the other side of it, however, was a very good thing. I made decisions, edited behaviour,
and rethought relationships.
I've decided to stay here in NO for the summer, at least for a bit. Going back to North
Carolina seemed a bit like running away from the problem and hiding, which only makes it harder when it was time
to come back. Been there and done that. This way I know it might be close and I wont readily forget it. No more pretending that it and things will get better or go way. This does mean I will need to find summer work. In a recession, in New Orleans, with not much to my resume that is not related to design or performance.
I have found a comfortable spot with a guy that makes me happy without trying.
And another who would like very much to carry me away over his shoulder.
I have a family that is willing to defy gravity for my well being.
I have friends that will do the same.
I am aware of my place in my life.
I am not so walled in. Getting comfortable with not being in the shell.
Despite an obscene case of nonchalance this semester I am in a decent place. Learning all the important lessons of
being aware of space, form and detail as well as design language and structure at the final moments. Which drives
my instructors bats. Information and interest have begun to trickle and soon inspiration and knowing will return as
well. Letting go of things I ought not be concerned with allowed a lot of room for thinking. And thought led to
questions and answers and loops of the two, from which comes progress and development and creation.
Considering an additional masters of architecture after this nonsensical degree. We'll see.
I am still in need of an internship. Which is harder since fleeing the costume shop, which is now completely under
control of the flaming red devil and his dancing monkey. Not quite so qualified to be a stellar set design intern...
but more than willing to work and learn. Not too worried yet as I've until december to find one, which is closer
than you'd think considering it is days from may.
Soon I will be able to draw humans again and can let out all these ideas for new drawings.
Thinking of starting a small group for weekly live figure drawing sessions.