26 October 2008

Out of the woods.

Halloween is gearing up to be quite the event here in New Orleans. I am looking forward to it with severe enthusiasm as last halloween was spent studying medieval theatre for an exam that never happened. I went out last night to see Burn After Reading, which was inappropriately hi-larious (I'm not sure still how I feel about laughing as someone is attacked with a hatchet.) Afterward I wandered over to the Bourbon Pub to meet a few friends out and stumbled onto the pre-evening festivities of the Lazarus Ball revelers. Shiny Disco Balls was the theme I believe as everyone was decked out in silver.
Just enough decking out to leave about 40% to the imagination mind you. The ball is apparently some sort of nation-wide fundraiser that eats up a whole weekend with overpriced events. Even the price of Pub cover increased to 20$, I managed to duck in 5 minutes before the closing of doors though and so spent my 20 pouring liquor into my head. Then I left at midnight because even if cover is high and guys in silver grass skirts bound, the pub is the pub and is best taken in moderation.
That and really missed my bed. This weekend I plan on making up for my pumpkin-like behaviour.
I've settled on a few costume options:
1) Pirate. Bit done, but fairly easy to pull together quickly.
2) Mummy. A bit more work as will be made of layers of shredded cotton batiste and chiffon.
And really, how many mummies does anyone see out anymore. Ho-beasts excluded.
3)Josephine Baker, granted I can find enough fake bananas.

It will also be my birthday on Thursday so I need to do it up a bit pour cette raison, and to make up for last week.
I already feel better about having only to focus on set design.

Something else that makes me feel better?
A cuppa tea and a omlette au chevre on weekend mornings.

If I had enough time during the week I might split my pants.

24 October 2008

A little slower now

Nothing like discovering a few blaring character flaws while under full steam school stress to give a boy a moderate depressive episode.
I'd been burning my candle at both ends and finally I was just a piece of burning string.

I got through it fine though. No wallowing in bed for three days (that usually just leads to more bed wallowing.)
I did absolutely nothing related to school. I watched a suspense filled french movie (Tell no one) and a chick-flick
costume drama (The Duchess) and proceeded to loose my appetite for 48 hours.
I've since dropped a class, resumed eating, and made decisions to neither strive tirelessly for the approval of people
unwilling to notice it and to stop putting my well being second to my work ethic.

20 October 2008

Going Dim

Be back soon.

17 October 2008

Mm-Hmmm, that;s right...uh-huh...

Going to see Madonna.
little excited about it.

14 October 2008

Quand j'ai lui dit....

que la nuit soyez amusant, je ne conait pas les evenements qui suivrait.

Et quand j'ai lui dit que je vais casser son coeur, je n'conais que que je le ferais ce soir.

Mais entre l'alcool et le situation , il devient officiel que j'ai cassait le coeur de le seul mec
qui m'aime vraiment. Et en plus je sais pourquois.

I knew it would happen, I just did not expect it to all happen at once.

13 October 2008

This made me smile.

I can't even type how much I am loving this man's style.

This made me smile too.

I found it while doing research for a 1930's Weimar Republic version of A Midsummer Night's Dream.

09 October 2008

I woke up last night and the sky outside my window was apricot

Yesterday I came to the realization that I am going to be getting a lot less sleep than I have been getting lately. And by lately I mean that I've been sleeping about five hours a night. Oh yeah, grad school is in full swing. Five courses with intense amounts of play reading and analysis with nice big doses of applied design on top. Today I am going to attempt to finish a huge chunk of map work, which I am still doing revisions for. And tomorrow begin designing a concept of a modern dance piece that is so early in the developmental phase it in itself is a concept. The set design for The Mousetrap has begun, which is simple enough. The madness there is that I am expected to know everything I'm supposed to do now. I've not even made the change in emphasis to scenic yet, and am in the early stages of a set design course which is heavily focused on development of space and (that word again) concept. I said I'm planning on switching to scenic and they said here is your show. Fantastic.

On the other side of my life there is the guy I've been seeing. We just recently became a pair after a summer of him persuading me that we were made for each other. And while I knew (know) that we get along great, the strength of his pursuit was disorienting. He tells me that this is just his personality and that he'd rather not edit himself, which I agree with. No one ought to change the make-up of their character in order to better suit another. I'm just not sure I can handle the amount of interest he gives me. Bjork has a song called 5 years which is about being afraid to accept that someone loves you. I'm kinda there. After getting used to no one really paying any attention to me in another way than "Hey, we ought to hook up," I am finding it hard to navigate real, genuine interest. I keep waiting for the ball to drop and him to wake up and realize that maybe I'm not so amazing as he has me in his head. It's so wrong to be like this because he is so brilliant, warm, hilarious and incredibly emotionally connected (everything I am supposed to be looking for.)He tells me he misses me from day to day and that he sees us being together for a while. My biggest fear is that I will one day just let him go like I did with Sara, and have another huge regret and sorrow for. Although that situation was the result of a 6 year relationship t showed me of how something gorgeous can turn around in a matter of days, and about how easily I can insulate myself in a vacuum of disconnect. The afore mentioned stress of school is not helping at all.
(he just now sent a text referring to himself as confused cindy. that is the effect I am having on him. confusing.)

I have hope though, which I've not had for a while. I am making an effort to keep on the side that says that this new thing I am doing might work. That I ought to follow this guy , trust him a bit and see what I can discover. Even if it does not work out maybe I can learn to open up a bit more. That is worth the risk of two bruised hearts right?

05 October 2008

04 October 2008

L'air d'une Ombre.

"Moi je t'offrirai
Des perles de pluie
Venues de pays
Où il ne pleut pas
Je creuserai la terre
Jusqu'après ma mort
Pour couvrir ton corps
D'or et de lumière
Je ferai un domaine
Où l'amour sera roi
Où l'amour sera loi
Où tu seras reine"

Ne Me Quitte Pas, Jacques Brel (1959)

03 October 2008

No New Words

Maybe soon. After I am done thinking about them.