28 September 2008

Is this thing on?

I never finished this drawing.

I broke it by trying to finish it. It was based in the idea of yelling into a vaccum, of being terrified of being alive and trying to deal with it, and having so much life beneath the surface that there was no physical way it could all come through as any one emotion.

I found this old statement from back when I knew kinda what I was doing and why.
"...my drawings convey the want of individual characters for others, for things both known and yet not known. They portray the reply of the desired character as well, allowing a dialogue to exist within the drawing of what depicting what is happening as well as what could happen.
I am deeply interested in what is not said but intuited and in the possibility of things. Potential for interaction, for interpretation, is a major factor in choosing to work both with figure and with narrative, as I am less interested in making a drawing of an obvious story than in making a drawing of an ending that asks what has happened and what will happen next. The overwhelming resonance is searching for something, craving something but not knowing what it is. The landscapes tell more about feeling the daunting potential for being within the world, and the figure work is more about potential dynamic interaction with others, but both convey an awareness of the greener grass around the corner.
I use images such as multi-faced figures who are talking to each other while looking elsewhere or singing out of another mouth to get across the observation that no none really listens to anyone else in a conversation. Sometimes the heads stretch out like an arm and wrap around the heads of others conveying a desire to know or a want to touch. Other times the heads of the figures are absolutely normal but in their placement within the drawing in relation to other objects or figures create a tension on their own, or conversely their heads morph into what can be seen as their thoughts, confusions or dreams."

Drawing was a sort of therapy for me. A means to work through what would be going on
inside my head that I could not voice. A friend of mine asked me tonight to talk to him about
what was going on with me, why I'm a bit withdrawn and dim, and I couldn't voice it. It was there
clearly, but I could not find words.

Let's say I have this friend who is really myself, thinly veiled.

This friend has problems admitting to himself that he is capable of living his life.

How is it that people learn this? I feel like I've missed the boat completely when it
comes to things like making friends and engaging in relationships. I have to clarify
that the friends I do have that I will call friends are exceptional and those who
have tried to have a go with me, for the most part, have been inconstant and detached
people. There are exceptions, it's just that it is so hard to trust people right now.
Which makes it harder to be the one people trust, especially when you can't
trust them back.

It throws everything off.

I'm trying hard to be a good person, to do great things in the micro-cosim of my world,
and I can't because I've trouble feeling things. I don't know why.

27 September 2008

25 September 2008

Featured Artist: Goldfrapp

Like water on toast..

I have been so incredibly busy. The time of the 16 hour day has returned and I am near my wits end.
I suppose it would not be as horrible as it is if the people surrounding me could behave as adults ought to.
Back biting, scheming, gossip and expected alliances abound and it makes me want to be less and less in same
space. Still as my design professor said to me on Wednesday, " You are given a ball of shit to eat. Why argue? Eat
fast and make it good. Otherwise, you complain and it just takes that much longer to eat. And you have to eat it, Baby."

I'm still wondering how long i have to wait until I can make logic as aurally stunning as this woman.

Still, since I've resolved to see this tragic turn of fortune through to the end, I intend to at the very least distance
myself as much as possible. Refusing to let myself become a rumor-fed, petty bull-shitting hack. It is a bit sad that
I find myself in this position in a University (ranked 37), and sadder still that I have to witness the enthusiasm with
which this behaviour is carried out. Speaking with a friend about this it was decided that neither of us could dare
show any sign of weakness or lack of confidence as "they would begin to circle."

On other fronts:
- I am enjoying my recent weekend outings to various pubs and bars with non-school associated people.
(Lets not poop and dine in the same place, shall we?)

- Finding loads of interesting music hidden in my computer from last year that I did'nt know I had.

-Met a cute guy who maybe thinks I am cute as well.

- Nearing completion of the Maps Project.

-Have been approved for $162 of Food Stamps from Hurricane Gustav, which is like being handed a month long free lunch voucher to Whole Foods (which is 6 blocks away.)

-Managed to do laundry and uncover my floor.

-Turned down an offer to marry and move to Milwaukee, despite reasonable arguments to convince me.

- Have begun work on my MFA application to the Yale School of Art.

16 September 2008

Profit comes from versatility.

APC, a likely fall silhouete...who doesn't like a little stripe on stripe action.
I certainly do.

15 September 2008

I've been drawing again.

So I'm in rendering class again. A bit slow, but quite good, as my life drawing skills are being woken up again.
These I did this weekend. The assignment was to draw from magazine images. The fellow below is a little out of proportion...but I think I did fairly well.

This one I did thirty minutes before class as i thought they were due tomorrow. I am still recovering from the loss of days from Gustav.

These are from the life drawing segment, which was conducted in ball-point pens today.

Featured Artist: The Rapture

...because people don't dance anymore, and they do just stand there like that (arms crossed, staring you down, drinking and moaning and dissing).

08 September 2008

Back in the N.O.L.A.

I've returned.

With a cold, thanks the super frosty a/c in the car.
(Why am I always the one who is not hot, and why must I be punished for it?)

No major damage to the home, some new cracks and a the top of my bureau came crashing down...
other than that not much. Lots of tree limbs lining the streets though.

The repair crews are out and about.

With their crews of burly cajun workers.

06 September 2008

Everything is bigger in Texas.

Chinese food for ten.
Eating normally may be a problem for a little while.

04 September 2008

I'm still here (clap, clap, clap) Deep in the heart of Texas.

Still sitting and waiting in Temple for New Orleans to get it's act together.

Last I hear my apartment is with power, but that the generators for the city are still not providing power to the city sewer system.
I had the opportunity to go home today, but opted not to for fear of not being able to flush.

The Great Texan Vacation continues in the quite well maintained little enclave I am in.
The orange is finding solace in the abundance of basin-esque birdbaths, the weather is
clear and sunny and not overloaded with boiling water molecules.

I've also never eaten so much in my life. Our days are pretty much spent reading updates and snacking leading up to a
gigantic Texan meal sometime between 4 and 9. Last night was steak, tonight I've been full of a gigantic cheeseburger whose picture I am debating weather or not to post due to it's obscene hugeness. You can judge by the onion rings.

I managed to find myself in Waco, where I bought an Augusten Burroughs anthology from an adorable young man in fantastic trousers at Barnes & Nobel. I failed to see any nut jobs though (apart from the highway system that is).

01 September 2008


I'm still a little at odds. Not shaken or shocked. More of kind of detached resignation.

This building is a post office. The sign outside the door alerts patrons to honk their horns in order to notify the clerk that they need assistance. I am so not in NOLA anymore.

Waiting to hear if your city/school/home/belongings are still in full operating order is kind of like being in the ER.
It's all you can do to wait.

The Orange was not too upset at the prospect of the 9 hour drive.

He did spend some time with his head in a cup holder though.

I've holed up at Leah's (fellow classmate & set designer) house in Temple, Texas with several other hurricane flee-ers.
Last night we had a fantastic dinner of Chicken a la Grande and Gumbo. A bit of New Orleans comfort in a spoon.

The four present musicians played some jazz and I pitched a tent in the back yard at 1 am and climbed in.