26 February 2009

Finally, some words.

Anonymity has been on my mind recently.

I'd like to go back to being unknown by a lot of people. You know how there are those
people who you just can't seem to leave behind. You think you are safe and then their
fin surfaces again and again, cutting through your calm blue ocean with all kinds of thoughts
and memories that you'd rather not think about for reasons you'd rather not remember.
I could do with some erasure of memory these days.

Work is in full force as we launch a new production by a visiting pair of directors from
South Africa. I've done everything from making paint out of water and flour, stretching
reflective film over painting pars, buying feathers by the pound and making giant screens.
The show will be stunning.

Mardi Gras was a little bit of a blur. I was mostly at work, but managed to squeeze in a
few TGV's (tequilla/gin/vodka with sprite and lime) and managed to make out with a
rugby player. It was nice to see the crowds in the city. Not so much their trash, dear god
having a trash flash back. So many crawfish heads in the grass. I like being in crowds though,
it goes back to that thing about being anonymous, you just kinda disappear.

I used to hide in clothes racks when I was small. Surrounded by coats, or dresses. It drove
my mom so mad that she had to make me hold onto the side of the cart after a while.
I still like slinking off to drunken places at all hours of the night. Nursing a drink and
smoking the cigarettes I should never have started smoking a year ago. There is something
calming about being a ghost.

I've started to date a couple of guys. They are sweet, one makes me laugh. One makes
me think about where it is I think I'm going. So far I think we are all distractions for
each other but who knows. I am just looking forward to the next day and letting them
unwrap themselves in their own time and I in mine. I like a nice slow development.

Featured Artist: Peter Doherty

Last of the English Roses

25 February 2009

24 February 2009

I want to get off

This is how my world feels right now. Darkly beautiful and dominated by school.

This is what I'd like. A sunny lawn in Paris.

I'll write more soon.

(photos, Alexandre Lutz)

22 February 2009

19 February 2009

25 Random Things

Facebook is apparently unsafe for posting, so I'll tuck this away here. (gotta love my logic, right?)
Anyway, 5 people have sent this to me, which is the magic number for getting me to do anything.
Unless you're trying to get me to be your boyfriend, then it's more like 6.

so here goes. (Ellen just told me it does not have to be anything of particular interest)

1. I think 65 degrees fahrenheit is cold.

2. I just bought an antique persian rug that is a little stinky.

3. I almost never wear socks in the summer

4. I get massive colds at least twice every winter.

5. Despite my random knowledge about fashion, it's more of an interest rather than a modality.

6. I like getting dirty.

7. This week I've pretty much eaten only cheese bugers and pizza.

8. I can't keep a plant alive to save my life. I kill ivy for gods sake.

9.I find old people adorable.

10. I'm really bad at keeping up communications with loved ones.

11. I had a pet cow as a child.

12. I have english teeth.

13. I make a fantastic hot toddy.

14. I have an incredible creative capacity.

15. I might be capable of falling in love with a girl.

16. I like hairy guys.

17. I have no fear of dying.

18. I think I fear living instead, but I'm working on that.

19. I am a cat person.

20. I let things go too quickly.

21. I won't go into the sea for fear of being eaten by sharks.

22. I think the frat-tastic combination of flip flops, polo shirts, and bascketball shorts is super hot.

23. I love my family dearly.

24. I don't have many friends, but those I do keep close I will have forever.

25. I severely under rate myself.

14 February 2009

smile: DJ Babyfingers

That time of year

I look forward to one day not feeling inadequate on Valentines Day.

Anyway, I found this awesome card from the 1900's,
I dedicate it to all of you who might be reading this.

11 February 2009

featured Artist: My Brightest Diamond

Feeling Good

Where I am

Kindness still exists in the world. :)

I've been feeling a little under the radar lately.

Not really in the mood for going out, sleeping alot.
Keeping busy with work, which keeps me from thinking about
other things too much. Trying to keep focus and sometimes succeeding.

I keep hearing love songs from the side of the person being sung to.
Which is not the strong empowering side, but rather the "fuck you dumbass'" side.
Alot of songs now have new meanings. I'm readjusting to doing things alone, which
is rough when you are aware of your loneliness in a city where most people have
been friends since birth. I'm still moving forward tough because it's all I can do.

People do seem to be more willing to talk to me now that I'm happier, but no one
seems to have any follow through. I saw coffee shop guy again today, we smiled.
That was about it.

05 February 2009

Featured Artist: YACHT

I have a small crush on the director, something about a guy in a open neck sweatshirt.



I love my friends. I don't have very many, but the ones i do are awesome. I came down with the flu tonight, and instead of letting me wallow knee deep in CSI and nyquil, Melissa and Will decided we should go out for a bit. Calimari at Aatiki, where I had two fantastic hot toddies and then off to the Erin Rose. Where I learned exactly what you should do with St. Germain. And back home before 1:30 am so I can get a decent sleep.

This is what I value in my friendships, people who will just be there. Not because they say they will, but are when it really matters.
I don't need legions of adoring fans when I have two or three people who just don't stop amazing me with who they are.

03 February 2009

I'm feeling good this morning.

Despite waking up with a sore throat.
I feel functional. Maybe it's the tea. We discovered yesterday that the twinnings in the tin was in fact decaf, so that was changed
by the end of the day. I like how tea is a little smoother than coffee but can make me just as aggitated if I drink too much. And Sucre now carries Harney & Sons teas, which are a little bit of liquid heaven. Now if a magic little magazine stand would appear in the neighborhood I'd be set to never leave uptown again.
Fresh baked bread and happiness go hand in hand I think. I walked down to whole foods this morning and bought one of their ninety-nine cent french loaves just out of the oven. I ate it sitting on my bed in sunlight with honey and butter. Well, not all of it as it's as big as my head, but a decent chunk. I may sleep on a couple of stowed away crumbs tonight, but it was worth it.

Tea + Bread (not having class until noon) = a smile and a lack of words.

02 February 2009

Where I am

So today I am at the coffee house and manage to start talking to a guy.
We flirt a bit.
I tell him I might go see a movie, he says he'd come along but wants to watch heroes.
He asks if I have a boyfriend. I say no.
He tells me he doesn't either. He also tells me I'm cute.
He then shows me a picture of a guy he's been talking to online.
(beautiful beyond belief)
Then he tells me I'll eventually find someone.

Maybe god wants me to only do homework.

On a brighter note, I am finally able to draw again. Three weeks into the semester.

01 February 2009

Proust before bed

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
fresh baked bread. A good long unbroken run. a hot shower before bed. dancing.

What is your greatest fear?
not falling in love again.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Virginia Woolfe. We wont go into why.

Which living person do you most admire?
Bjork, she couldn't care less about others opinions when it comes to how she lives and works.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

What is your greatest extravagance?
lying in bed and watching the sun rise through the window, spilling light across the room.

What is your favorite journey?
Wandering the garden district at night.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

On what occasion do you lie?
Valentines day.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
my odd height.

Which living person do you most despise?
Steven Stines.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

What is your greatest regret?
Falling in love too late.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Which talent would you most like to have?
Making people smile.

What is your current state of mind?
sleepy and content.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
They would be as happy as they once were.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Learning to stop resisting.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
I have no idea.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
a water droplet.

What is your most treasured possession?
My old hat from H& M Paris.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Where would you like to live?
somewhere warm.

What is your favorite occupation?
Drawing the pictures.

What is your most marked characteristic?

What is the quality you most like in a man?

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

What do you most value in your friends?

Who are your favorite writers?
Edmund White, AM Homes, Bret Easton Ellis, Virginia Woolf.

Who is your favorite hero/heroine of fiction?

Who are your heroines/heroes in real life?
My Mum & Gran.

What are your favorite names?
Anais, Peter, Anne, Soren

What is it that you most dislike?

How would you like to die?

What is your motto?
"Don't complain, make excuses or feel you have to explain yourself."
-Kate Moss

Featured Artist: Cat Power


Naked if I want to