28 September 2009

Tartuffe draws near.

The thesis show that is eating my waking hours.

I think I may have regressed.
I really do.

Finding Love in the age of the internet hookup

I am quite tired of being the second choice. Why must I always be relegated to serving as the reserve stock when what I offer is so much more than what is being offered. Within four months two guys decide that I'm not that great after all. A month ago, another decides that although he is not ready for a relationship he'd still like to have "relations," He then made it clear that he never wanted to see me again. Tonight I met not one, but three guys that were great until it became necessary for them to do the whole, "I like you, but you're not white." thing. One of whom was black.

I have the particular misfortune of being a romantic. I like dating. And making out and cuddling and the whole nine yards. Recently though, the guys I encounter are more interested in sticking it in than hanging out. Even more often, sticking it in multiple people.

Has romance in regard to finding a prospective love interest dissipated as a result of the ready availability of possible instant internet sexual gratification? I think it has. Not only online but in life as well, that increasingly ephemeral thing we all swim through daily.

How is it that everyone, seemingly everyone, is a couple or a scandalous ho bag? Surely there is a middle ground between serial dating and rampant ho-dom. So far it is a lonely part of the ocean I am swimming in. Occasionally meeting others who share the same view of a relationship but who don't quite connect on other levels, or worse are closet versions of the to mentioned afflictions.

What is the answer? submission? Celibacy? Cat farming?

* sorry for all those atrocious typos.
I blame it on the alcohol.

22 September 2009


i dont believe in the future
i dont believe in the past
i dont believe anything
LOVE and sex is comforting
a caress is even more comforting
compassion follows
and endless nightmares
and strong moments are beautiful
good looking things are not lasting but
elegance and politeness can be used.
i just dont want to sleep alone

-from iliketoforkmyself

Ernst in Orleans


18 September 2009

so applicable

More to come.

09 September 2009


I understand you had higher hopes for where you'd end up. But the simple fact is that I chose you, not some fashion-forward type who'd wear you once every few weeks to lobster boils and garden walks and might even have you professionally laundered. Beyond that, I need to make clear up front that, for me, you aren't leisure wear, weekend wear, or yacht wear: I won't be wearing you in the off-hours when I'm not in a suit, because I don't own a suit. I'm going to need to rely on you all day, every day, day in and day out, until summer is over or you fall in tatters to the ground and cease to be clothing anymore.

-from, A Pep Talk for the New Pair of Shorts I Will Wear Every Day This Summer.
BY John Frank

07 September 2009

Films: Adam, Max Mayer (2009)

Another one of those heart-wrenching givers of hope.

06 September 2009

Things are progressing in their usual cloudy manner. Everything like clockwork with a
good measure of fog tossed in to blind the eventuality of the path.

I have things to write about, but am unsure how to write about them.

Questions of work.
What inspired me to decide to make this my life?
Especially since I not so secretly hate it. Well, I dont hate it, so much
as the general "did it all myself" attitude of most of the people who work
in it. Collaboration apparenly does not mean what it used to. At times
these people turn into the "you all work for me" people and it is these
ones that made me stop smoking.

Questions of relationships.
How do you single handedly resolve a situation
to which there is no resolution? In other words, how do you stop feeling drawn
to someone who has stopped feeling the same way (if he ever actually did), and
who never gave you the oppertunity to close your door? And if I am still feeling
this way is it fair to open other doors to people? Who is it that I am waiting for?
Do I not wait? Do I act? And if so what is the recourse when action does not engage

Overwhelming life questions.
What am I going to do when I leave here? Which is linked to the theatre question.
Why do I waste so much time? Why do I knowingly make bad decisions, like smoking or not sleeping enough.

Underwhelming life questions.
Cook at home or get take away? Separate dark colours from not so dark colours when
doing laundry, or not? Vaccum the rug, or continue to idly stare at the accumulating dust?

And the real question?
When can I get past all this and get on with it?

03 September 2009

Gravy Covered Crush

United Kingdom gravy wrestling championship.