30 June 2009
Perhaps, but I still have to live here.
Where am I now. Teetering on the brink of unemployment with no prospects.
Riding a wave of mood enhancers that enhance every mood, wantonly even.
Happily riding a bicycle to my remaining days at work. Pedaling through the
not too dense cloud of evaporating moisture and budding molecular super-
conductors. Less worried about feeding myself than getting the rent in on
time. Watching too much Tudors. Eating too much and doing to little.
Sleeping the perfect amount. Calling my mother, instant messaging my
sister, thinking about texting a guy I would like to keep as a lover.
Pacifying a schnoodle with one hand and holding a book with the other.
Applying for positions in places I will not be hired because I've too
much learned experience and not as much practical experience, amidst a
seriously hard time for the majority of us. Finding a way to buy a few
drinks at the weekend. Attempting to find what it was I was doing with
my drawings before I came here, because I know it was good. Brushing
my teeth. Buying another vitamin water. Crossing the street. Swiping my
card. Painting an enormous blue catfish, to be ridden by Slue Foot Sue
in a production of 'Pecos Bill." Doubting myself and then remembering
myself. Lathering, rinsing and repeating. Not updating my design resume,
nor requesting a replacement W2 from payroll to send to the accountant
so I can finally pay taxes. Eating Yougurt in bed, not for dinner though.
It's not that rough yet. Writing for no real reason, just a guy in a bed on
a big, wet ball floating in darkness.